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Girl’s Night Out in Your 30’s

I was sitting at home with my feet up ready to read a good book and go to bed at a reasonable hour. Suddenly, my friend DM’d me and it turned out it was her birthday so I told her “I’ll be right there.”

Armed with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon to gift her and a White Claw for me to drink I arrived twenty minutes later.

We headed down to a Piano Bar and moments after walking in we realized it was filled with the class of ‘69 as they celebrated one hundred years since graduation.

After a good laugh about how we were too young to fit in we decided to have one drink and then slip away to a more suitable spot to celebrate her birthday in style. We sipped our drinks, sang along and talked about how great fries are for the next twenty minutes.

We left our unfinished drinks and strategically exited as the pianist sang the line “Get the f$&# out” in the song he was playing which gave all the old people a good laugh.

At the next spot we hit up we snagged a table in the middle of the crowd where we couldn’t hear each other speak. After a round of drinks we moved to a quieter spot next to some thirty-year-old guys visiting from Seattle.

For the next hour we all talked about how hungry we were and how nice it would be to get some fries. Someone ordered nachos and we spent another hour waiting for them, ordering some pizza in the interim.

By the time we had devoured the pizza and nachos we were ready to move on, the thirty-year-olds having already gone home for the night. Once again, we abandoned our unfinished drinks and armed with a box of a few slices of pepperoni pizza went on our way.

We ended up at a bar where there was a wait to get in and once inside saw that it was filled to capacity. We sat at a table with our drinks and our group decided to go dance while I stayed behind to watch the purses.

Perfectly content to sip White Claw and scroll Instagram while people danced and got faded around me I realized that I wasn’t even bummed about not dancing.

A few minutes later they were done and we left our unfinished drinks and headed outside because we heard there was a taco truck. As we sat on the curb devouring tacos we discussed how tired we were and decided to call it a night.

During the Uber ride home I thought about how the highlight of my night was singing along while the pianist played “Summer of ‘69” by Bryan Adams in that Piano Bar.

Throughout girl’s night out we discussed the enticing prospect of food or sleep and left unfinished drinks everywhere we hung out.

Seven years ago I wouldn’t have even thought about food while drinking and leaving an unfinished drink behind was blasphemy.

So while I laughed about how I wasn’t old going into girls’ night out, I left with the suspicion that maybe I am. Thirty minutes later, face washed and sweatpants on, I stood over my baby’s crib in my quiet house and knew without a doubt that I am.

I also realized in that moment that I’m perfectly okay with it. I love my sweatpants and my early bedtime and my clean face. I love food and light to moderate drinking and classic music (‘90’s Smash Hits on Spotify qualifies).

I love that I’m not in that season anymore and the thing I love the most is that I’m okay with it.

So if you’re in your late-twenty’s plus and parenting and feeling depressed about losing that young, hip you: I highly recommend a girl’s or guy’s night out.

Who knows? You may discover that there’s nothing to be depressed about after all.

Jordyn Armour is refreshing with her authenticity and honesty when it comes to parenting and writes about anything parenting related, using sarcasm and humor to tie everything together. She is a stay at home mom to four girls and runs survivingmommy.org , Instagram @surviving_mommy and Twitter @survivingmommy_

Parenting Advice: Take it or Leave it?

You have a three year old who is up in your face talking non-stop while you’re trying to accomplish something. The talking doesn’t stop even after you asked nicely many times and gradually escalates into yelling when the three year old realizes that you are clearly busy.

By now you’ve asked them at least six times to please leave you alone while you do this thing and before you know it they’ve pushed the off button on your computer and poked you really hard in your left boob.

There are some who would advise that you drop what you are doing and attend to the three year old because they will never be as young as they are right now ever again.

Others would say to ignore the child because they will get the hint at some point and go away and the bad behavior will simply resolve itself.

Still others would say that you should discipline them for not listening to you after you’ve asked them repeatedly to please be quiet.

So who’s advice is right? What is the correct way to deal with this feral little creature who is trying their best to make you lose your cool?

In scenario one you would stop doing what you are doing and give the child your full attention. The three year old would then show you the large booger they pulled from their nose and promptly try to put it on you while laughing. This would be followed by them asking you if trees poop and why not and can you please show them? After this you decide you better go pee since you’re not busy anymore and they race you into the bathroom and jump on the toilet first and proceed to take a poop and ask you to wipe their butt.

In scenario two after continuing to ignore the child they get so loud that their yelling wakes the baby and now you really can’t get this thing done because society frowns on ignoring a crying baby. So you get up to take care of the baby but the three year old is still yelling and now there’s a knock on the door. You answer it while holding a crying baby with a now screaming toddler dangling off one leg. It’s the neighbor and they ask if everything is okay and then politely inform you that there’s something on your face. You check in the little decorative mirror on the wall and there’s a very large booger on your cheek because while you were ignoring the three year old they went ahead and just put it where they knew you’d be bound to see it later.

In scenario three you stop what you are doing and take the three year old to time-out because they were being disobedient while you were busy and ignored your warnings to leave you alone. The three year old starts crying and says that they just wanted to show you this cool thing. You start to feel a little bad and ask to see what it is and the child says they can’t find it. After a few minutes of searching for it together you find it in your hair and it’s that damn booger. This results in the three year old laughing so hard that you remember how much you love them and you suddenly feel bad for putting them in time-out for trying to talk to you.

The moral of this story is simple: Everyone has advice and most people think their advice is correct and it may even be correct for them. However, it’s not always correct for you. I believe that most moms inately know what their children need and sometimes that little inner voice gets drowned out by the voices of all the Sharons and Carols of the world.

You do you and let other people do them. Parent the way your gut tells you to parent and if you get some good advice along the way, hallelujah. Just don’t let what others have to say cause you to get too anxious about this parenting thing and you just might survive it. You may even enjoy some of it.

By the way, that was my three year old and her booger and because I didn’t follow any of that stupid advice above I didn’t end up with a booger on me. I followed my gut and I yelled at that child for hurting my boob and then I kissed her and sent her in to brush her teeth, put her unicorn pull-up on and go to bed. She was laughing the whole time and is sleeping soundly and I’m still sane and the neighbors aren’t worried.

Never mind, she’s back up asking if she can sleep in my bed and I don’t need any advice on whether I should or shouldn’t let her. I’m going to tell her no and then when I go to bed later tonight I’ll get comfortable and then feel a hard kick in my ribs because let’s face it, she’s three and she’s going to sneak into my bed anyway.

Jordyn Armour is refreshing with her authenticity and honesty when it comes to parenting and writes about anything parenting related, using sarcasm and humor to tie everything together. She is a stay at home mom to four girls and runs survivingmommy.org , Instagram @surviving_mommy and Twitter @survivingmommy_