As a parent I find myself frustrated a lot of the time and because I’m living with frustration so often I begin to find myself becoming resentful.
Resentful of the clothing that can be found anywhere but hanging in the closet or in the dressers or in the hamper where they belong. Resentful because I’m making Thanksgiving Dinner complete with homemade pies from scratch and now there are more guests coming.
My husband became resentful recently because I suggested purchasing the cheap $10 remote when he wanted to purchase the “cool” $20 remote. I told him that if it was going to make him feel resentful towards me then go get the $20 remote because it didn’t make a difference to me either way.
To be resentful means to be feeling or expressing bitterness or indignation at having been treated unfairly. Many times when we are feeling resentment we actually have not been treated unfairly and we are just perceiving things differently from someone else.
As adults, most often we have the power to control whether or not we begin to feel resentful.
For example, I knew that if I had to make pies from scratch on top of preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for at least ten people, clean the entire house and do it all while sick and caring for three sick children I was going to be resentful.
So I decided not to make the pies from scratch after all. I went down to the grocery store and purchased four beautiful Sara Lee pies and some brand new pie tins to bake them in so they would appear homemade.
I took the energy that I would have used to make those pies and I put that energy into something I enjoyed instead: making Gingerbread Men from scratch and decorating them with my two older children and husband.
I chose to change the way I did something that I knew would lead me to become resentful. I could have chosen not to make pies altogether and purchased tubes of cookie dough or a bakery made cake. I could have delegated the pie making out to my ten and fifteen year olds.
Parenting requires so much energy and it’s important that we choose where that energy goes and at the same time maintain a healthy thought life. Choose to either not do it at all, change the way you do it or delegate it out when something comes up that you already know in advance will cause you to become resentful.
I saw a really great quote today that was attributed to art@blessthemessy and it said: “Do less with more focus.” I think this quote has the power to really transform some of our lives.
Most likely our children aren’t going to remember the homemade uncrustables or the homemade Halloween costume that took sixteen hours and gave me one hundred hot glue gun burns. They’re going to remember that mom put cute notes in their lunch and going door to door for candy with their parents.
Sara Buckley @nottheworstmom on Instagram was talking recently on an IGTV video of hers about how things like this are for us, the parents, not necessarily for the children.
If we stop to think about it we kind of have to admit that we are the ones who want the other moms borderline jealous of our child’s one-of-a-kind costume.
The ones who insist on our child having 100% organic, prepared from scratch everything rather than taking a break for ourselves and giving them frozen waffles or cold cereal.
For the most part, we get to choose how content or how discontent we are. We can choose to feel better and to start making decisions based on our needs and stop making decisions based on how we want to appear to other people. Who cares what those people think? Our own personal happiness is what matters.
That is the only question that matters.
So buy that $20 remote and those delicious premade pies. While you’re at it, stock up on frozen waffles because kids love them and you’ll never have to cook breakfast on a school morning ever again.
Don’t forget: If you know something is going to cause you to feel resentment you get to decide whether you will allow it to have power over you or not.
Choose to not do it at all, change the way you do it or delegate it out.
Change the way you’re going to do it so you’ll actually enjoy it.
Once you start doing this you’ll have so much more time and energy to focus on the things that actually contribute to your happiness.
Happy parents are better parents 💋